Healing Comes in Many Forms

There's nothing more frustrating than running out of medicine. Especially medicine that keeps you from getting sick because of another medicine you take. I went to CVS yesterday to get meds that had been filled and had to go again tonight for new meds the dr called in today. Only to get home, get comfy and get a call from cvs saying I had another Rx ready to be picked up. Unfortunately, I couldn't escape this one and wait until tomorrow because I was out and I don't want to be sick all night because I didn't have my medicine. 

Since surgery I've tried so hard to stay on top of my meds by making sure everything is filled when it needs to be (even when I was doped up on pain meds somehow I managed). Even then, more meds have been added while others were discontinued so trying to stay on top of that has been a challenge. 

Today was day 1 of my full return back to work and I'm exhausted. There have been many days, even before all of this but even more lately where I wish I could just stay at home. 

My utopia, or idea of such a place, doesn't include a healthy perfect body--that's not me. Plus, I wouldn't know what to do without some pain. But, it does include the ability to stay home and have better self care than what I currently have. I'm constantly exhausted. I have 2 baskets of clean laundry that I did last week but have yet to find the energy to fold or even put them away. 

I went this past weekend, Friday night (April 17, 2015), with some friends and got a tattoo. I've alway talked about it and had ideas in my head about what I wanted but due to this current season of life the timing very much felt right. It was so freeing. To me it's a statement that says "the world of cancer and that it includes is a PART of me it doesn't define ALL of who I am!" Yes, it is a big part but still only a part. 

Knowing this is only day 1 back full time and I have a lot ahead of me I guess I better go to sleep and try to rest.

(Added 4/30/15) 

After having this permanent marking on my body for a couple of weeks I have found myself having more conversations about cancer this time and how it is very different. But, also, how freeing it is to be able to say with confidence Yes, I have had cancer three times in the past almost 20 years of my life and unfortunately it has consumed much of my time but it has allowed me to experience life so much differently than my peers who have not lived in the "cancer world". This is, like I said earlier, a part of me and what makes me who I am. However, my identity isn't in what the blood results show or don't show. Or what they find in surgery. Or how many medications I take and why I take them but realizing ultimately my identity is found in who God has created me to be- His Daughter, the one He has allowed to live another day to praise Him! 

Blessings,

Rebecca

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