Today was such a crazy, hectic day for me. I moved out of my house that I live in during the school year, packed my car (with the help of my wonderful housemates' fiancee), drove home, unpacked my car (this time by myself), went to class (summer school started tonight, every Tues and Thurs night from 6-810), met mom and dad at the gas station, went with dad to pick up his "new to him" truck, then went on a date with my dad!
I was very unsure of how tonight was going to go but once we got to the restaurant and sat down we made a little small talk about school and work and, then he brought it up. The elephant in the room, so to speak, my aunt. We started talking about who knows what is going on and how much my dad has not only had to step up as her brother but as someone who has fought this battle before. I have always viewed my dad as a "go-getter" but the discussion tonight put him in a new light for me. My dad and I have always had some tension with each other, mainly because we are both very stubborn and similar in a lot of ways so we very easily butt-heads, but no matter what happens in my life I know he is there for me and I can't imagine anyone else being my dad and fighting for me the way he has and still does.
We talked about a lot of things but one of the things we discussed in detail is how this entire ordeal has put things into perspective for him. We have to face everyday in a new light and every person the same. We have to be the salt and light in the earth and for every circumstance God allows us to encounter we have to face it knowing that only He knows the outcome of it. If we allow ourselves to become so engulfed in the negative of a situation we forget that God has established this very moment long before we were even born and that nothing takes him by surprise so we should just trust him and his ways. (Proverbs 3:5-6) Even though we may not like the outcome of situations, God is still God and we are still His people.
Ezekiel 37: 1-14 is a passage my dad sent me after mom told me about my aunt and tonight he told me he referred to many times when I was going through treatment. It is great that as Christians we have such power to be able to speak such words and that we have such an amazingly powerful and strong God.
I Won't Let Go- Rascal Flatts This song came on twice tonight; once after dinner with dad in my car when I was alone and then again in McDonald's where dad and I sat and drank coffee together. I have always known my dad loves me, he tells me all the time, but I really feel like situation with my aunt, my dad's sister, is going to bring us together even closer. We share a new bond. I would never wish this on anyone but I am glad that I have my dad to lean on during these times to be there for me and to be there for him as we head down this road of uncertainty.
Sorry this is so all over the place but after the great night I had with my dad I felt like I needed to blog about it. So much more happened tonight but those were the highlights. So, remember life is what you make it. God has placed you in the moment you are in right now so you will lean on him if it's not going so well and so you can thank him if life is great! It's all a matter of perspective.
Blessings to all,
Rebecca
Verse of the Day- Matthew 5: 13-16: “You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt loses its flavor, how shall it be seasoned? It is then good for nothing but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men. “You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Focus
Today's blog is a little bit like yesterday's in its topic but I think it's probably because it's what God has been dealing with me quite heavily in my life most recently. I started this semester out on a very positive note. I wanted everything to be perfect. I was in a relationship that I thought was where God wanted me to be. I was ready to begin a new semester with my professors and after the semester I had previously had I knew it was destined to be a great one. As the semester began, the first day of classes was cancelled due to snow... We live in NC, we close for any snow! I thought it would be a good thing and it turned out great because I got to spend more time with my boy, just us being a couple.
Things were going really well we were spending lots of time together pretty much daily. But, when it all came down to it we were spending the time together but we were running out of things to say to each other. We both began to lose focus in the relationship. Don't get me wrong I didn't say we were losing focus on the relationship we were losing it in the relationship. We had lost focus on the most important thing in any Christian relationship and
that is your relationship with Christ. If Christ isn't number one in your relationship (and your life) then you have lost all perspective on what is important. So the relationship ended on good terms but we, even months later, only speak when we have to, which right now is probably for the best. I write all of this to say when Christ becomes no longer the number one focus in your life sometimes he will take away things until He feels you are ready to have them again once He is your focus. Things change in your life and many times it is because God wants to us to help us remember what is important in our lives and what is not so important (Matthew 6: 19-21). What is God taking your focus off of to focus on him more? What is God allowing you to focus on more and in turn are you still giving God the same glory and praise he had before?
Be Blessed,
Rebecca
Verse of the Day: Psalm 139: 13-14 For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.
Things were going really well we were spending lots of time together pretty much daily. But, when it all came down to it we were spending the time together but we were running out of things to say to each other. We both began to lose focus in the relationship. Don't get me wrong I didn't say we were losing focus on the relationship we were losing it in the relationship. We had lost focus on the most important thing in any Christian relationship and
that is your relationship with Christ. If Christ isn't number one in your relationship (and your life) then you have lost all perspective on what is important. So the relationship ended on good terms but we, even months later, only speak when we have to, which right now is probably for the best. I write all of this to say when Christ becomes no longer the number one focus in your life sometimes he will take away things until He feels you are ready to have them again once He is your focus. Things change in your life and many times it is because God wants to us to help us remember what is important in our lives and what is not so important (Matthew 6: 19-21). What is God taking your focus off of to focus on him more? What is God allowing you to focus on more and in turn are you still giving God the same glory and praise he had before?
Be Blessed,
Rebecca
Verse of the Day: Psalm 139: 13-14 For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Change
I have a confession... I do not like change! I don't know many people that do but for me change is something that has been the one big thing that is so consistent in my life that when stability comes I really enjoy embracing it and reveling in it. That is where I fail though. Reveling in something like consistency is where I tend to lose focus on the important things in life, like my relationship with my wonderful Savior. It is in these times where I just start, as Matthew West would say, "going through the motions" (Motions by Matthew West). I get so consumed in my routine and caught up in the fact that things will stay the way they are that I forget to ask God to help me be more mindful of what is going on around me and trusting him to help me through the big and small moments in my life. None of this is to say that when you have a routine in your life that you can't be content and happy in it. The Bible says to be content with what you have (Hebrews 13:5) but in this don't just go through the motions of life. I have learned so much over my lifetime but most importantly that when change comes I can trust in the one thing...or should I say person, that is always going to be consistent in my life; Jesus Christ. He has promised to never leave me or forsake me (Hebrews 13:5, Deuteronomy 31:6, Joshua 1:5)
Verse of the Day: Hebrews 13:5 Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Verse of the Day: Hebrews 13:5 Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Friday, May 13, 2011
Life and it's uncertainties
I have never been much of a writer, honestly I can say I hate writing. Give me a topic or prompt and I can probably bs my way through it but I just don't get satisfaction from writing, especially when it comes to school. So, for me to have a blog is something I honestly thought I would never do. But none the less here I am because obviously "the norm" hasn't been working too well for me lately so I've decided to change things up in my life and do things differently now.
The past 21.5 years of my life have been quite a roller coaster, I know most people can say that but I can truly say life has surely been full of ups and downs at least since Dec 21, 1995. I had a completely normal childhood up until that point which was wonderful but on that day my world and everything I considered normal changed forever! I was diagnosed with the big "C" word, CANCER! Leukemia would be a word my family and I engulfed our lives around. I don't remember much of the treatments other than being sick all the time and constantly being in the oncology clinic or in the hospital from that point on for the next several years. I relapsed in 1997 and that October I had a bone marrow transplant, courtesy of my wonderfully, amazing younger brother Michael (we fought growing up like normal siblings but let me just tell you I owe him my life and for that I am eternally grateful). Even after my transplant life was full of doctors visits and medical stuff.
A little over fifteen years after my initial diagnosis cancer still seems to affect my life today. I have long term health problems that affect my daily life. But, more than that I have tried to be there for families of children who are going through what my family and I went through and let them know that there is hope and the possibility of a great future.
I always thought my life's work in the cancer world would be, from now on, on the outside looking in. That changed this week. Finals are over and I have finished my fourth year of college (not done yet, one more year...long story) my mom texts me and says call me when you get a chance before 1 (meaning she is on her lunch break). I call her and she informs me my aunt, my dads 2nd sister (Dad's the eldest of six children and this sibling in number 4), has stage 4 breast cancer. They have known for a little while but haven't wanted to tell me because they knew I would worry and with finals coming up I didn't need the added stress and didn't want to wait til I get home next week to tell me in person because I may see something on Facebook about it. Mom broke the news to me and the only thing I could get out of my mouth was NO! followed by streams of sobs. Lucky for me my best friend walked into my house and just held me. She will be starting chemo this week. The reality that cancer has hit someone else in my family again hits harder than had it been to me again. I have tried so hard to wrap my mind around the fact that she could very easily make it through this whole thing and come out on the other side completely healed but at the same time I, along with the rest of my family, has the face the even harder truth that she may not make it through and yes she will come out on the other side healed, just not here on earth.
I know with all my heart more now than ever that I serve Jehovah Rophi (God who Heals). I have faced many of the storms of life and have come out on the other side with the support and love of my Heavenly Father. It is my hope and prayer that the rest of my family understands that God always heals people. Healing is not always an earthly physical thing. Healing comes to us in many forms. When God chooses not to allow someone's earthly body to be restored from the the debilitating mess of something like cancer he is just saying healing is not to be something that happens here on the earth and I am still God. But, when those of us that have a personal relationship with him enter eternity in Heaven we experience a new kind of healing that no one else can experience. I have faith that my aunt no matter where the Lord chooses to heal her will take her experiences and share them and be an encouragement to others or leave an amazing legacy behind in her family and in those that know her.
So, please pray for my aunt and the rest of the family as we all experience this journey with her. Pray for her husband and 4 children (3 in college and 1 in high school) as this is something completely new for all of them. Pray for me as I now have a new connection with my aunt and that I can draw from my experiences and be an encouragement for this wonderful woman who has always been there for me and I won't let my emotions hold me back from sharing.
Psalm 68:19
Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. Selah
Blessings,
Rebecca
The past 21.5 years of my life have been quite a roller coaster, I know most people can say that but I can truly say life has surely been full of ups and downs at least since Dec 21, 1995. I had a completely normal childhood up until that point which was wonderful but on that day my world and everything I considered normal changed forever! I was diagnosed with the big "C" word, CANCER! Leukemia would be a word my family and I engulfed our lives around. I don't remember much of the treatments other than being sick all the time and constantly being in the oncology clinic or in the hospital from that point on for the next several years. I relapsed in 1997 and that October I had a bone marrow transplant, courtesy of my wonderfully, amazing younger brother Michael (we fought growing up like normal siblings but let me just tell you I owe him my life and for that I am eternally grateful). Even after my transplant life was full of doctors visits and medical stuff.
A little over fifteen years after my initial diagnosis cancer still seems to affect my life today. I have long term health problems that affect my daily life. But, more than that I have tried to be there for families of children who are going through what my family and I went through and let them know that there is hope and the possibility of a great future.
I always thought my life's work in the cancer world would be, from now on, on the outside looking in. That changed this week. Finals are over and I have finished my fourth year of college (not done yet, one more year...long story) my mom texts me and says call me when you get a chance before 1 (meaning she is on her lunch break). I call her and she informs me my aunt, my dads 2nd sister (Dad's the eldest of six children and this sibling in number 4), has stage 4 breast cancer. They have known for a little while but haven't wanted to tell me because they knew I would worry and with finals coming up I didn't need the added stress and didn't want to wait til I get home next week to tell me in person because I may see something on Facebook about it. Mom broke the news to me and the only thing I could get out of my mouth was NO! followed by streams of sobs. Lucky for me my best friend walked into my house and just held me. She will be starting chemo this week. The reality that cancer has hit someone else in my family again hits harder than had it been to me again. I have tried so hard to wrap my mind around the fact that she could very easily make it through this whole thing and come out on the other side completely healed but at the same time I, along with the rest of my family, has the face the even harder truth that she may not make it through and yes she will come out on the other side healed, just not here on earth.
I know with all my heart more now than ever that I serve Jehovah Rophi (God who Heals). I have faced many of the storms of life and have come out on the other side with the support and love of my Heavenly Father. It is my hope and prayer that the rest of my family understands that God always heals people. Healing is not always an earthly physical thing. Healing comes to us in many forms. When God chooses not to allow someone's earthly body to be restored from the the debilitating mess of something like cancer he is just saying healing is not to be something that happens here on the earth and I am still God. But, when those of us that have a personal relationship with him enter eternity in Heaven we experience a new kind of healing that no one else can experience. I have faith that my aunt no matter where the Lord chooses to heal her will take her experiences and share them and be an encouragement to others or leave an amazing legacy behind in her family and in those that know her.
So, please pray for my aunt and the rest of the family as we all experience this journey with her. Pray for her husband and 4 children (3 in college and 1 in high school) as this is something completely new for all of them. Pray for me as I now have a new connection with my aunt and that I can draw from my experiences and be an encouragement for this wonderful woman who has always been there for me and I won't let my emotions hold me back from sharing.
Psalm 68:19
Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. Selah
Blessings,
Rebecca
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